Quintessential Englishman Morrisey was out when we called round to buttonhole him on the doorstep of his council flat in Hume so we hopped on the National Express and headed for the Dorset home of a man who was once so in love with his home county of Essex people said he was Barking mad. Oh dear, perhaps we won't use that one on him if he's in.

After swimming the carp infested moat and scaling the granite walls of his half-timbered bungalow, Bragg Towers, we rang the bell. After the distant sound of phlegm being cleared from an old man's throat, possibly by another man, the door was pushed open a crack. It was the man himself, Billy Bragg, man of the people, a true working class hero.

'What the fuck do you want?' say he

'Got 5 minutes to enlighten us oh Bard of Burton Bradstock nee Barking?' say we

'Not really mush but if it's the only way to get you off my fucking doorstep you'd better get on with it you tit.'

So here you have it, our exclusive, in-depth, probing interview with the man himself…

Steal-Life - Is an Englishman's home really his castle?
Billy Bragg - Nah. That's a Norman idea. Anglo-Saxons are much more outgoing.

SL- What was the final straw that made you move out of the big smoke?
BB- The chance to live by the ocean

SL- Why Dorset?
BB- See above

SL- What is it about Bragg Towers that you love the most?
BB- Its proximity to the sea

SL- How well do you get on with the neighbours?
BB- Pretty good actually. It's probably because, like us, everyone else in our village is from Essex.

SL- Are you the only famous person in the area or does someone else get asked to open the village fete?
BB- There's a few of us down here. Martin Clunes, Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Madonna. We divide the fete opening and the dog show judging between us on a strict rota

SL- How do you think that your location has changed you as a person?
BB- I walk lots more than I used too. And when I come up to London, I appreciate it more.

SL- What's the strangest thing you have found washed up on your beach?
BB- A pilot whale

SL- Hmmm…obviously not a very good pilot whale. So will you be bringing out an album of sea shanties anytime soon?
BB- No, but I do write songs while walking along the shore

SL- Have you ever harboured the secret desire to run along the beach naked?
BB- Maybe swim naked, that would be nice. However, when the water's warm enough, there are just too many people around

SL- Is England really a green and pleasant land?
BB- Depends where you are standing

SL- Would you ever consider moving to another country?
BB- Maybe just for a year

SL- Where would you like to be buried/ashes scattered/left to rot?
BB- I want my ashes to be scattered in the sea off our beach. Now fuck off.

With that Billy elegantly slammed the door in our face and from somewhere inside we heard his voice clearly shout, 'Release the dogs!'

He hasn't changed a bit.

Footnote: Mr Bragg's lawyers have asked us to mention the recently released, Mr Love & Justice. In a written statement they quote recent press,'